Super Mario Land

Game Boy

Review by Matt Paprocki



Graphics: 5

Sound: 7

Gameplay: 8

Overall: 7

Dear Digital Press creator,

We, the creatures of the planet Zigra, recently came across your "book" (as it seems to be called) after abducting a group of humans from the Bermuda Triangle. Just before we began the anal probing, one of your Earth people showed us this "book." As we flipped through this mass of paper entitled the "Digital Press Collectors Guide," we noticed an entry entitled "Super Mario Bros." The caption is as follows:

"....As such, I'm sending this guide off to a parallel universe with the hopes that Mario and his wonderful adventures get the credit they deserve. If you're reading this from that universe, let me know how things turned out."

Though we're still not sure if this is the universe you intended to send this Guide to, we decided to be fair and contact you to tell you how things turned out. One of the captured has told us much of these Mario adventures, and we were stunned to learn of the differences between the "Earth" Mario and ours here on Zigra.

First, our Mario does not rescue a princess "Peach." No dear human, ours goes on a quest to rescue Princess Daisy. However, the earthling did state that these characters look alike, so we believe that they may be related somehow, but further DNA research is needed.

Secondly, our Mario has the ability to go underwater in a plutonium powered submarine and shoot things. We have been told that yours has never had such an ability. Also during our interrogation with the human, we found that your Mario's fireballs do not have the ability to collect coins like ours, but mushrooms have the same effect. Of course, gravity has little effect on our Mario, much like Zigra does on us, hence his fireballs must bounce off of something to stay on the screen.

Third, our Mario only must traverse through four stages compared to your eight. We have not been able to find an answer for this yet, but rest assured that our largest life forms are looking into the matter. It has also been brought to our attention that different foes appear in our game then yours. Your human was shocked to see such things when we showed him.

Fourth and finally, the worlds our Mario must traverse are seemingly based off of your planet that we have studied for centuries. The pyramids of Egypt are only one of the landmarks you will see in our version. Yours closely resemble ours with massive brick castles appearing every four quadruns (much like your measurement of the "mile").

You see now dearest human, Mario has been ever so popular here on Zigra. I hope you are happy to hear this. We hope that this fax reaches you since our local Office Max sucks and never seems to get anything right. As for the human who gave us such great information, we decided it would be fair to drop him back where we found him. He seemed quite happy in the water, yelling at us "I'm drowning" which we have learned means "thank you" in your language. Maybe someday you'll be able to enjoy our Mario and we will be able to enjoy yours.

I'm drowning,
The planet Zigra.


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Last updated: Saturday, June 18, 2005 04:53 AM