Review by Matt Paprocki



Graphics: 4

Sound: 3

Gameplay: 1

Overall: 2

Stay with me here. Imagine you've got the flu. Not the normal I-just-don't-feel-right flu, oh no. I'm talking' about the "I hurl chunks every 15 minutes on the dot" type of flu. Ok, now, imagine all of those chunks you'll toss up in a 24 hour period make their way onto an Xbox game disc, gets pressed, and end up in a bright green DVD-style case for the public to purchase. That faithful readers, is the story of "Sneakers" on the Xbox.

Released only at Toys R Us stores (thankfully), Sneakers lets players control of group of mischievous mice in their quest to figure out who stole their food stash. It turns out to be a rouge group of rats. It's up to the gamer to last long enough to find each one of them.

Not all is bad in Sneakers land. The fur-shading used to give the mice a slight sense of realism is outstanding. It's the polygon counts and N64-quality blurry textures that ruin everything. Actually, remove the fur shading and were talking first-gen PS2 here.

The gameplay seems to be a platformer at first glance, but upon further investigation, it's really a game of "point the group in the right direction." Your mice either stroll or run in one of the directions your allowed to move (usually no more than 3), looking for rats. Once spotted, you move into a first person mode, point to the rat, hit the A button, and they disappear. Yes, disappear. Occasionally, they'll run into another room in the house.

Following them into their hiding place brings up a battle screen. By a long shot, this is the absolute worst fighting game engine in the last 5 years. Taking bits and pieces from Power Stone and Smash Bros. Melee (removing all of the fun and moves), the battles are fought with your counterparts against a small group of rats. The yelps and cornball music played during these skirmishes destroys the games last chance of success.

Why is it that crappy games always end up being the collectible ones? Since it was only released at one chain of stores, it's bound to sought-after in a few years. Please, if you read this, I beg of you never to pay $100 for this game no matter how rare it may get. If you need it to complete a collection, then, and ONLY then, you may pay $20. But please, never a penny more.


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Last updated: Wednesday, December 10, 2003 02:31 PM