Charlie's Angels


Review by Christopher Coleman

Ubi Soft


Graphics: 3

Sound: 4

Gameplay: 2

Overall: 3

Here's a franchise that was crying out in desperate need of a licensed game. Oh wait, it wasn't. Never mind - UbiSoft are here to answer all your Charlie's-Angels-game-related prayers. Unfortunately, the game doesn't come with a free tube of Astroglide. What actually is it? Essentially a dumbed-down version of a style Sega mastered - Streets of Rage, Die Hard Arcade, and Dynamite Cop. Natalie, Fi Fi and Trixiebelle are out to solve the mystery of monuments being stolen worldwide. In the opening cut scene, the Statue of Liberty is knocked off. How's that for feasible? Well, at least it's better than the plot of the second movie.

Get the game started, and you're confronted with some decent looking character models. The entire first stage involves all three Angels running around in bikinis. Running around is where the problem comes in. The animation is awful: Matrix-style jumps that have your character floating in the air longer than a wu-xia kung fu master, antelope style hopping animations for running. The game just looks hideous when moving - add a few beers, and it's a laugh riot. The only problem with adding the beers is that the constant movement of the screen - "dynamic" camera angles that serve to confuse, and the screen juddering around as you throw punches or kicks - will make you lose your lunch. I think the moment where I finally snapped was climbing a ladder (for what seemed like an hour) to get to the top of a crane. Yes, the point is made; her ass waggles. Well done, Ubisoft!

Did I mention the amusingly misguided sound effects? Allow Natalie to be hit, and she makes a noise that sounds like an 8 year old whining for candy. The voiceover, while done by the actual actors, is indistinct and overly repetitive.

You'd be far better off blowing the dust off your Saturn and playing Die Hard Arcade than to continue with this travesty. The only remotely interesting element to the game that could add a modicum of interest is the combo system, which increases your point score, but it's so difficult to pull anything off beyond "NOT BAD!" that it's not worth persevering. Avoid this game like the plague, unless you're a completist - in which case, get it after you have every sports game ever released, and that includes the various versions of Tony Hawk, too.

PS: Yes, I know the other two are called Alex and Dylan. I also know that if motion capture was used to animate the game characters, the actors should all see doctors immediately.


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Last updated: Saturday, July 02, 2005 09:08 AM