Christmastime is fast approaching!
NOTE: If you don't see the picture, the item is currently unavailable. You may have already missed out! There is only so much arcane knowledge to go around, you know.
Magically Altered Teddy Bear:
| Very 80's Baseball Jersey: |
Remember those wonderful 80's movies where some dork was wearing a baseball jersey and ultimately was ridiculed by the football team and its cheerleaders? Well now that can be YOU! Except that you won't be ridiculed. And you're not a dork. And it's not the 80's anymore. Hmm, it's quite different, really. Order Here
| Cross-gender T-shirt: |
Don't let first glances fool you! This incredible item is great for girls AND for boys! Finally, a shirt that supports man-boobs and looks damn sexy on females as well! Never again will you feel awkward in your attire. Let Digital Press nestle your breastal region in complete comfort! Order Here
World Tour Boxing Shorts:
| "The Commander" Thong: |
Common problem: you're really hot but are lacking that "signature" that distinguishes you from every other girl who wears a thong. Problem solved! Show your man who's in charge by adorning your most intimate of areas with the official DP Products logo! When he sees our spiffy mascot "Space Fury Guy" glaring at him, he'll never forget you!
And if you're one of those sick MALE bastards who wears a thong, well... we have nothing more to say to you. Order Here
"Size S... for SMACKDOWN!" T-shirt:
| "Never Eat Alone" Lunchbox: |
So there you are, another lonely lunch hour in the cafeteria. All the cool people seem too busy to invite you to join them, seats are suddenly "taken" as you approach, and let's not even discuss the glances you get as you walk past the cute girls chatting it up on their lunch break.
Suddenly, you break out the Digital Press lunchbox, and you are transformed into "Coolest Lunch Mate in the Room"! Behold, as cute girls are suddenly magnetized to your classic stainless steel lunchbox! Now YOU decide who gets to spend a lunch hour with you and who can sit in a corner somewhere wishing they were near you and your lunchbox! Order Here
Magical Dwarven Stein:
| Mouse Landscape: |
Treat your mouse the way it was meant to be treated. In sheer splendor! You'll feel your usually ordinary mouse shiver and beam with delight as it rolls graciously across the terra firma of this very special mouse pad. It's more than a mouse pad, really. It's a vast, rolling expanse of freedom for your mouse. Let it romp and play! Roll, little mouse, roll! Order Here
Cooking and Dancing Attire:
| Terrestrial Cranium Travel Accessory: |
At long last, a carry-on bag perfectly sized to stow a human head! Developed by alien scientists after countless millenia of research and genocide, this sturdy sack is constructed with only the finest extra-terrestrial fabrics. Emblazoned onto the side is the logo of Digital Press, a well-known alien research center based on planet "Earth"! Spare yourself the embarrassment of storing a head under your quadra-tentacle or unsafely tucked into your ass-pouch. This sack was designed just for your travel comfort! Note: human head not included. Order Here
Safety Mug w/Enviro-Protect Technology:
NO LONGER AVAILABLE!
|"Night Owl" Urban Headwear: |
Show everyone that you're a REAL urban champion by donning this official DP urban ski cap. This item's extra length allows you to pull it far over your face, and if you cut holes strategically, you can't even see them when it's rolled up! Best of all, you can use this spacious cap to hold as much as $5000 in small unmarked bills, and it doesn't weigh you down as you scale large fences or splash through shallow streams! Order Here
NO LONGER AVAILABLE!
|"The Creator" Evergreen Ornament: |
Deck the halls with Digital Press! A little known Christmas fact: long before the birth of Jesus, aliens came to this tiny world and planted Earth's only evergreen tree. The rest, as they say, is history. We don't even need to get started on how that star in the east was actually our "Space Fury Guy" ship beckoning three wise men. We'll get into that next Christmas.
Show your appreciation for your "Christmas Tree" by decorating it with the visage of the alien commander who invented it! That's right, only 10 Earth dollars. Order Here
|NEW STUFF!||We've got loads more goodies right HERE!|
Digital Press has been producing a bi-monthly fanzinetargeting the gamer/collector since 1991. Unlike the Guide, the regular issuesalso include game reviews and commentary on contemporary systems such as thePS2, Xbox and GameCube. The team includes a dozen writers who, like crackbabies, have been hopelessly addicted - to video games - since birth.
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