Letter From a
by Werner Bleys and Joe Santulli
Please do not immediately turn Redd in the face when you read this letter from me.
In the first place, I was very happy to read my own letter in DP. This was a real upgrade for the fanzine! On the other hand I am disappointed that you:
a) did not take the challenge to give the reply in French
b) not take action on the PS in my letter
c) did not pay yet any author's fee for my publication
d) not sent me the cartridges you received the money for
But believe me, you still can't get me mad for all those things. Whatever you try to do to me. Belgians are tuff and very fond on practical jokes and classic games. At first sight I thought such behavior could simply be a lack of elementary education, but I was just informed that it probably has to be disease: the "Santulli-syndrome". This started in a valley somewhere, but now it is definitely situated in New Jersey. There is nothing to do against it and the symptoms are different depending on the individual who catched it. Most people who got the "Santulli-disease" forget everything, or can't write anymore, or start playing Nintendo and Sega games, or move house suddenly. In a later stage they even change their names: men their first name and women even their family name. Two very extreme cases are discovered: Liz Santulli and Joe Backiel (please don't tell them, try to write it on a short note!). The worst case we know is a man who even changed his whole name in "Joe Santulli".
The only medicine until today, but with a minor influence, could be eating a daily portion of very thick Belgian waffers. A long term therapy could be also editing a fanzine, to prove that you still can write a bit and hopefully in a later stage you can send letters directly to other persons again.
Until today there are still medical discussions around if this is really a virus of which the infection is brought over by letter, or that you are simply born with it and that it is reflected later only in the adult (!!?) state. Some religious people call it also the "Santulli-curse". However, one thing is for sure: with all people who have it is proven they had a brain damage in a juvenile state. That is what they mostly admit. Very extreme cases even stucked up in the juvenile state mentally, although they physically have already an ugly beard. Besides not willing to write letters, they do not want to shave neither.
Jim (mind if I call you with your former name?) of course you will hopefully understand that this is not the real reason I write you. A shrink will have informed you certainly about the mentioned problems already. The main reason is that I:
a) do not want to receive the ordered 5200 cartridges anymore because you waited so long to send them and I got them immediately from a (reliable!) source.
b) do not want my money back and I ask you to transmit it directly to Kevin (still Oleniacz!) for buying me carts of sportsmen (Joe Montana! Can hit a ball but did not write to me neither!)
c) inform you that if you publish any of my letters again without my permission or the claimed fee, I will bring you to court (I got Joe Madlock for my defense!)
d) only give you permission to publish this letter in DP which certainly contributes (again!) to bring it to a higher level, if you send me the 5200 cartridge Montezuma's Revenge (Starring Panama Joe!)
To resume actually: why should we complain about a JR if we have a JS! So please put in the next DP a free ad under my name: FOR TRADE: 1 JS against 10 JR. Send letter to Joe Bleys: no response guaranteed.
So Jim, my fiend (oops!) I hope NOT to hear from you anymore.
DP Editor responds:
For those of you who've asked me "What's that Belgian guy's problem, anyway?", I think I finally have an answer. Remember when you were first learning about manhood: you got new hair in strange places, your voice changed, and funny things were happening "down there"? Try to understand poor Werner's situation. Not only does he have to reckon with these things, but also with the prospect of living the rest of his life in a country where the dam could burst at any moment, spilling fish and poisonous slugs over the straw huts that the natives call home. We all wish you the best of luck, Werner, in what must be a very difficult time for you.
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